Misery Loves
by Belleluna
Summary: PG-13 for now, but it'll get higher, don't worry, I'll mark it in the ch. Yaoi 1x2x5 pairing, angst on Wufei's part. He's suffered so long in silence, will his friends/lovers help him find the love he needs? Multi-part fic. *Part Four up!* 1/14/03
1. Part One

I do not own Gundam Wing or any of the characters from that show, (but we like to pretend don't we) for your pleasure:  
  
Pairings: 1x2x5 3x4 (although I don't even think they'll show up in this)  
  
Rating: I've got a funny feeling this is going to be another multi-part fic, but let's see first, shall we?  
  
Warning!!!!!! There's YAOI in here, male on male relationships! Explicit Sex as a possibility, definite male threesomes, and the Characters doing all this Nasty Stuff are underage! You are warned, so don't say I didn't tell you.  
  
As always, review like a crazy person!  
  
Misery Loves By Belleluna  
  
*Wufei's POV*  
  
Misery loves company. This is an existential truth. Anyone who's ever been sad, they want others to know about it. You find yourself unconsciously altering your behavior, steering the conversation, doing anything to get someone to ask the right question, say the right words. That way you can complain, tell the sad tale without the guilt of forcing it upon the person, because after all, they asked.  
  
But the problem is, there's nothing that person can really do, not when the misery's self induced. They can comfort, and listen, and share, but all that really does little. They may not even go as far as to try all that.  
  
So you don't tell, right? But therein lies the problem, misery loves company. You'll try to tell no matter what. So there's only one solution: stay away from the company. That's what I have been doing for a very long time. So long, that there doesn't even seem to be a crowd to avoid anymore.  
  
That's why I was so surprised when Duo knocked on my door. As far as I know, that's never happened before.  
  
"Hey Wu-Man!" He poked his head in, "M'I interrupting anything?"  
  
I stood from the mats on the floor, "No Duo, merely my meditations."  
  
"Oh, cool. Um, Heero says we're needed on a mission, and he won't let me read the specs 'till I get you there, so, you coming?"  
  
"Yes Maxwell, allow me to dress first though."  
  
His eyes suddenly went wide as he noticed my robe. "Woah man, sorry. Is it all right if I wait?" Without even waiting for a response he flopped down on my futon, crazy baka. Ah well, such is the way of Maxwell.  
  
"Help yourself, " I say dryly as I stand behind my Chinese screen to change. As usual he never once stopped talking.  
  
"This is nice Wufei, really nice. I've never been in your room before. You must practice martial arts a lot to have it all set up like a dojo like this..."  
  
I pause in throwing on my navy tank, "Yes, I practice quite a bit, you should too you know, so that you don't lose your edge on a mission."  
  
"Naw, none of that for me man, I do my own practicing, if you know what I mean," this comment came with a lewd gesture and a wink.  
  
Inside my head I sighed a little, "Yes, I am aware of your and Heero's relationship," I say as I join him again. How could I not be, it was very obvious, at least to one who observes. I wonder what love feels like, I don't think I've ever known it before. "Let's go," I say, already leaving for the door.  
  
He walks behind me, stopping to grin, "Man, sorry bout all that noise we make at night."  
  
I just shake my head, "There is no noise Maxwell, none that I can hear, I simply observed. You too are very obvious, even when you choose not to be."  
  
He goggled at me, "You know Wu, just when I think I've got you figured, you go and throw a sensitive curveball like that at me."  
  
I palmed open the door to the computer room, frowning at Duo. "I don't think I understand the terminology you're using. And don't call me Wu."  
  
He just laughed and slung his arm around my shoulders as we walked in to join Heero, "Yeah, yeah Wu-man!"  
  
"That too," he kept on laughing.  
  
Owari-part one 


	2. Part Two

I do not own Gundam Wing or any of the characters from that show,   
(but we like to pretend don't we)  
for your pleasure:  
  
Pairings: 1x2x5 3x4 (although I don't even think they'll show up in this)  
  
Rating: let's hope for NC-17 ne? But this parts still G  
Multi-part!  
  
Warning!!!!!!  
There's YAOI in here, male on male relationships! Explicit Sex as a possibility, definite male threesomes, and the Characters doing all this Nasty Stuff are underage! You are warned, so don't say I didn't tell you.  
  
As always, review like a crazy person!  
  
*thoughts*  
  
Misery Loves  
By Belleluna  
  
PART TWO   
  
*Third person POV*  
  
*Sigh, his arm's around my shoulders again. All this physical contact is starting to wear on my defenses. (I should probably anylyze that last thought, but I'm gonna leave that issue alone.) Heero's started glaring at me too. Sigh again, now I'm gonna get beat up by the perfect solder. Such is life.*  
  
As they had walked down the hallway to the briefing session after their impromptu bonding, Duo kept brushing up against Wufei, making casual contact. And Wufei took careful notice everytime, but Duo never said a word, he was quite content to remain quiet for once, then when they reached the staging room, his exhuberent personality was back, and he was talking non-stop once more.  
  
Since that day though, he kept up the routine of contact. He'd hug Wufei, grab his hand, lean against him, or throw his arm around the Chinese boy's neck whenever he felt like it. Wufei had never had a friend before, and he'd never had anything close to this kind of contact with people. After the initial shock had worn off he could deal with it, brace himself for it, but it was beginning to affect his buried emotions.  
  
*Not to mention the fact that Heero is beginning to notice as well, and will soon kill me*  
They had just finished a co-op mission, a few hours long only, and on their walk back from the MS warehouse Duo had started up his chatter and grabbed Wufei, who he carried along with him. That's when Heero had started that menacing glare, and he'd kept it up since they had returned home and Wufei went back to reading his discarded book.  
  
Sometimes he wondered at the strange relationship between Duo and Heero, it didn't seem like they'd suit one another, but as a couple, you could see it. The warm glances Heero gave Duo when he thought no one saw, and the way Duo tried to bring more happiness into his boyfriend's life. They were perfect, they fit. Sometimes Wufei wished he would fit, with any one.  
  
*But I am a Gundam pilot, my life is not my own, not like theirs. I am the job, I am the revenge, I am the bringer of peace for the spirit of Meilan, and I cannot fail my quest. First the job, then peace. Perhaps I wish for love, but that is weak, I am alone, and so it shall always be.*  
  
Wufei smiled wistfully to himself, *perhaps by the end of all this I'll get one of the guys to put a bullet in my brain, so that I don't have to wait for the lonliness to kill me.*  
  
He never noticed Heero's death-glare change to an expression of speculation as he saw the sad, resigned look pass over Wufei's expressionless mask. 


	3. Part Three

I do not own Gundam Wing or any of the characters from that show,   
(but we like to pretend don't we)  
for your pleasure:  
  
Pairings: 1x2x5 3x4 (although I don't even think they'll show up in this)  
  
Rating: let's hope for NC-17 ne? But this parts still G  
Multi-part!  
  
Warning!!!!!!  
There's YAOI in here, male on male relationships! Explicit Sex as a possibility, definite male threesomes, and the Characters doing all this Nasty Stuff are underage! You are warned, so don't say I didn't tell you.  
  
As always, review like a crazy person!  
  
Misery Loves  
By Belleluna  
  
PART THREE  
  
Journal Entry by Duo Maxwell  
Date: AC 196  
Mood: philosophical  
Music: Late 20th Century band, VAST  
  
There's something I've always wondered about, my vast curiosity I suppose, but it's about Wufei, and his role.  
  
I guess I should start from the beginning of that long train of thought, this is kinda hard to explain. We gundam pilots are heroes, of sorts. We were once at least. I suppose our status these days is nowhere near that significant, but still, the basic heroes. Now what is a hero?  
  
A normal person would tell you: an honorable person, they must be strong, have courage, never give up, inspire hope, etc. They would describe an absolutely perfect person, that has all these abilities but still retains basic human compassion. That, sir, is impossible. How do I know, because I know five heroes. Speaking as one of them, what a hero is on the outside isn't always the truth.  
  
How does one become hardened to hardship and pain, learn to withstand torture and anguish, learn to deal with basic human indignities such as rape and purposefully inflicted pain? The only way is to build up a tolerance, like with poisons. You have to expose yourself to each one as much as possible, numb yourself to the horror and pain of it, so that it doesn't affect you anymore.  
  
I don't care what kind of hero your are, it is not possible to do these "heroic" things if you have not first inured yourself to these hardships. Even to learn combat is to put yourself through pain for gain. This was how they chose the pilots for the gundams. Who had learned most of the harsh lessons needed already, and who could withstand the need for more?  
  
Slowly, through careful observation, I've discovered this. I already know myself. I was an orphan on the streets of L2. First my unknown family died, leaving me alone as a baby. I was raised by a gang of children and street toughs that never gave me a name, and befriended by Solo, my one friend. I lost him, and gained Maxwell church, which I eventually lost as well, but in the time it took me to find that kind priest, I had been raped 28 times, I counted each one.  
  
When the priest and the nun died, it was back on the streets, and I used that experience, put it to use. That's why I'm a gundam pilot. I can lie, seduce, I am inured to the pain of rape or any sexual torture, I know how to play the john's, I'm good at crossdressing, and I've suffered so many losses that I can keep my cool through anything, making me great for moral.  
  
I won't go into what Heero went through as a child, being my boyfriend I learned all about him from what he told me. But safe to say that after his parents died he was adopted by an assassin, who trained him as a young boy to kill, then he was taken in my that sadomasochistic insane bastard Dr. J. The "training" and physical alteration they put him through has made him the perfect fighter.  
  
Heero is the machine, the leader, the indestructible, and he can withstand any pain, he was even trained out of emotions so even that torture could not effect him. Slowly though, we are trying to change at least that last part. (blush)  
  
Quatre grew up in a corporate world, his father one of the riches men in the galaxy. He has been numbed to the social torture, the pressure of disapproving people and snubs that would send a street baby like me into hysterics. He bears all this coolly, and has developed such a brilliant strategic mind that is his role on our team, we hardly make a move without one of his brilliant plans.  
  
Trowa has been alone his whole life, this has no effect on him. In situations where a normal human would go insane from the lack of company he is perfectly at home, and his mind rivals no other's. There's not a lot of information I can get from him, he's so quiet and still. But sometimes I think that he would be better at being the infiltration artist than me. He and Quatre deserve one another.  
  
So now to my problem. I now realize that I know nothing about our teammate, Wufei. Chang Wufei, a clan name, Chinese I think. I've searched data bases, there is no information. I've gone through his things, stark as a hotel room. He volunteers no information about himself, he helps when necessary with missions and pesters at us other than that. But beyond that, he's so quiet he fades away, more so than myself or Trowa.  
  
Until several nights ago I barely even remembered he was there, so unobtrusive was he at meetings. Then one night I was sent to fetch him for a meeting (that's me, little gopher) and he was meditating, a sudden peak into his life. And even more than that! His room was decorated like a dojo! More information.  
  
Since then I've been keeping tabs on him, trying to be his friend, get him to say something, anything, but nothing. Heero's starting to get jealous, which, yes, is dangerous, but I can't help this obsession, I really need to know. What is Wufei's role on our team? What happened in his past to make him a hero?  
  
  
******  
  
Wufei peeked into Duo's room. "Duo?" The baka was gone again. He seemed to disappear exactly whenever they had an important meeting to hold. Ah well, he'd show up just in the nick of time, he usually does.  
  
Wufei was about to leave when his sharp eyes caught his name on the computer screen. He turned, intrigued, and scrolled up to see what the document was about. A little surprised to find a journal entry, he guiltily read on.  
  
He paused for a moment, "I shouldn't do this, this is a diary, a journal, it is not honorable," he paused again, "but Duo did leave it open like this, I can't help but read it."  
  
That issue settle happily, he read on in wonder, as he discovered a deeper side to the gundam pilot he really didn't know that well. Duo was hardly a baka, and he had never realized any of these things about the people he worked with either. How unobservant he was!  
  
He shut the laptop screen and carried the computer with him as he quickly left Duo's room. He needed to find Duo and speak with him about this. He would after the meeting, if that failed, after the mission. He would tell Duo his reason for being a hero, as shameful as it was.  
  
*to be continued* 


	4. Part Four

I do not own Gundam Wing or any of the characters from that show,   
(but we like to pretend don't we)  
for your pleasure:  
  
Pairings: 1x2x5 3x4 (although I don't even think they'll show up in this)  
  
Rating: let's hope for NC-17 ne? But this part's PG for language  
Multi-part!  
  
Warning!!!!!!  
There's YAOI in here, male on male relationships! Explicit Sex as a possibility, definite male threesomes, and the Characters doing all this Nasty Stuff are underage! You are warned, so don't say I didn't tell you.  
  
As always, review like a crazy person!  
  
Note: for those who did notice the fact that Wufei and Duo thought alike, that was intentional. I kinda want to show how all gundam pilots really are alike, somehow, and how there's depths and aspects of each no one would suspect that makes them the same. For instance how Duo really is a very serious person, despite the clown-like facade, and Wu-man really does have a sense of humor. Thanks for noticing =^-^=  
  
Misery Loves  
By Belleluna  
  
PART 4  
  
THIRD PERSON POV  
  
Duo was working diligently in the hanger when Wufei finally came back from his part of the mission. His part was far removed from the rest of the team's, as usual, and it had taken him much longer to finish and escape without leaving a trail.  
  
He was beginning to have doubts about telling anything at all to Duo, what had seemed like a good idea immediately after reading that journal entry now seemed like a grave error. Not only would he be making a connection, he would become emotionally attached, and vulnerable. In his position, that would not be wise, at all.  
  
Finally resolved, he turned from his contemplation of the unaware Deathscythe pilot, heading for the showers, when from behind him, "Are you here to talk, or did you just feel like staring at my ass for the last ten minutes?"  
  
Okay, so Duo wasn't entirely unaware. Highly embarrassed, and blushing, Wufei turned around and tried coming up with an excuse, but he couldn't come up with anything. End result, he just stood and stared, somewhat impassively, as the other boy walked up to him.  
  
"Hey Wufei, I've been meaning to talk with you for a while now," and Wufei panicked, it was entirely out of his mind panic. Luckily, he went into defensive automatic, and harshly turned away from Duo and began to leave before any other words were uttered. If he spoke with Duo now, either Duo would ask the fateful question, or he would change his decision and bring it up. That was not an option.  
  
He didn't really pay any attention to what he said to Duo as an explanation, but he didn't miss how the American's face fell, and then became enraged. It must have really hurt him then....  
  
Wufei shoved back the sudden pang that accompanied that thought. Nevermind that, showers, then sleep. Maybe if he focused on the things that had to be done and nothing else this would pass.  
  
*****  
  
Heero looked up as Duo stormed into their room, slammed the door, and then picked up his hairbrush and threw it at the wall. As an afterthought he picked up a clay pot and smashed that against the wall too. Heero waited till he sat down with a manga and began turning the pages rapidly to say. "Is anything wrong Duo?" Then he sat back to wait Duo out.  
  
"Of course something's wrong. God, fuck that bastard Wufei! What's his problem? All I say is that I wanted to talk with him about something and he blows me off like a cheap date. He acts like I'm nothing but a nuisance and he's got nothing better to do,   
  
"'I'm sorry 02 but I've got to shower, I don't have time for your idiotic ramblings,' he says, then he sniffs like I'm the one that smells like a sewer when he just came from a mission and smells like a *dump* and then walks away without even a by-your-leave. He even yells back 'Some of us actually work on our missions'."  
  
Heero winced at that.  
  
"That motherfuckinggoddamnedbastardsonofawhore wouldn't know work if it bit him in the ass. That colonyscumchinkbeadyeyedprettyboy has no fucking idea who he's messing with! Fuckfuckgoddamitshitshitshitmotherfucker...." That went of for a little while, in 3 different langauages even, for some time before Duo finally settled down.  
  
Finally he sat drained on the bed, and Heero walked over to sit next to him. He put his arm around Duo and began rubbing the back of his neck. "Are you ready to discuss this now?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess so. I think I've got most of it out of my system."  
"Why would he do that Heero? I thought I was actually getting through that preppy-ass annoying shell of his. What happened?"  
  
"Do you really want my honest opinion?"  
  
Duo turned to look at his boyfriend. "Yeah, I do."  
  
Heero sighed. "I think he realized that you were breaking through that shell." He took in Duo's suddenly understanding face and nodded. "What you don't realize, Duo, is that all of us have ways of handling the hard lives we now have. You know how I used to be, if I didn't have you as a stabilizing factor, I'd still be like that out of survival. Trowa was much the same, but he has Quatre now that makes him feel more human. Wufei has never had the benefit of this sort of connection, and he knows that if he would let anything like this into his shell, only watered down as friendship, it would break him."  
  
Duo sat processing that, and Heero waited patiently until he was ready to talk. "But why would he blow up at me like that, not even ease away?"  
  
"He may have panicked Duo, or anticipated what you would say. What were you going to talk to him about?"  
  
Duo blushed, and looked sheepish. "Well, it's kinda stupid, but I wanted to learn more about him, and why he is a part of this war, it's kind of a hobby of mine, finding out stuff like that about each of us."  
  
Heero looked at him sharply, "What do you mean by finding out why he's a Gundam pilot?"  
  
"Well, it's like how Quatre can withstand the indignities of upper class, I can be the whore, Trowa can take lack of human contact and you are the ultimate computer, I never was able to find out what part in the picture that Wufei plays. I wanted to learn more about him, to know."  
  
"Duo! No wonder he ran! Don't you realize what that would to do him! My god, think! Think about what you'd be asking him to do!"  
  
Suddenly realizing what Heero was talking about, Duo was horrified at what he had almost done. "Oh my god, I would have asked Wufei to completely lower his walls. I would have taken away the barriers that keep him sane. Oh god Heero! No wonder he spooked. But, how did he know that I would do that?"  
  
"You wrote about all of this in your journal, didn't you?"  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
Heero threw an amused smirk at his braided baka, "Duo, you always leave your journal entries on the computer after you're done, I usually have to close them. He probably read it by accident."  
  
Duo suddenly smacked himself on the forehead, "Damn me for a baka, I should have remembered. After reading that he'll be too scared to ever talk to me again! Now how am I gonna find out anything about him?!"  
  
Heero grimaced, "That's really important to you, isn't it Duo?"  
  
Duo grinned, "Well yeah! I want to know about all of you, so that I know your motivations, your reasons for fighting, even mine. If we all know the roles we play we can use ourselves more effectively. It's for The Mission (TM)!"  
  
"You just want to convince me to hack into the scientist's files to find out about Wufei, don't you?" accused Heero.  
  
"Who me?" Duo flushed he's patented innocent-puppy-dog eyes at Heero, if this didn't work he'd....  
  
"Argh! Alright, I'll do it. I'll tell you what I come up with tonight, okay?"  
  
Works every time. "Okay, thank you Heero, you're the best boyfriend ever!"  
  
"Remember that tonight in bed, I've got a suprise for you."  
  
"Eep!"  
  
tbc 


End file.
